


Walk Like Thunder

by Pxie_Sticks



Series: Songfics [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cancer, Death, Heart Attack, Human AU, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Major Illness, Multi, My babies :(, Overdosing, Roman/Deceit(Ethan)/Remy mentioned, Slight swearing, Songfic, implied alcohol abuse, slightly open ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 20:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18698764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pxie_Sticks/pseuds/Pxie_Sticks
Summary: Patton and Virgil have had a rough few years.--------Please read the tags!! This isn't a happy story!!





	Walk Like Thunder

**Author's Note:**

> Again, please read the tags! I don't wanna accidentally trigger someone,,
> 
> Song: Walk Like Thunder by Kimya Dawson
> 
> Bolded words are lyrics  
> Italics are flashbacks/memories

**I have this new tattoo of which the story must be told** **  
** **About the night I almost overdosed ten years ago**

**  
** I glanced down at the inside of my wrist, smiling a little to myself. It was a black semicolon, still red and sensitive from the needle.

**  
** _ The table was scattered with a few spilled pills and splashes of whiskey, one of the tablets beginning to dissolve in the liquid. I huffed out a laugh, my vision beginning to tunnel as I took another drink from the bottle in my hand, almost dropping it. The world started going dark, and I was falling. The door slammed open, but it sounded far away. _

**  
** _ “Patton!!” _

****  
**I woke up in the hospital with skin clammy and cold** **  
** **And tubes in my urethra, down my throat, and up my nose**

**  
** _ I slowly opened my eyes, the white room coming into focus. I could feel myself connected to multiple lines going left and right, and there was beeping. I couldn’t speak. When I looked around, there were blurry figures and muffled noises. Something was holding my hand. _

****  
**My friends and the doctors were all shocked I wasn’t dead** ****  
**That’s when Virgil looked at me and this is what they said** ****  
****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
  


It took a while to recover. And it took even longer for Virgil to trust me being in any room without them. I don’t blame them.

****  
**So I walked to the rebel spot, I walked all over uptown** ****  
**I walked right side up and I walked upside down** ****  
**I walked to Chetzemoka with my eyes fixed on the ground yeah** ****  
**We walked all over Chetze Beach and kept the rocks we found** ****  
**Then I walked back to my parents’ house, I walked back to my old bed yeah** ****  
**I walked back and I walked fast past all the voices in my head** ****  
**I walked with the sweats and I walked with the chills** ****  
**I walked in New York City and I walked in Bedford Hills** ****  
**I walked into open mic nights and I walked into the rooms** ****  
**I walked feeling optimistic and I walked feeling doomed** ****  
**I walked with some mama’s boys and I walked with some punks** ****  
**I walked dressed up like a rabbit, I walked dressed up like a skunk** ****  
**I walked with some givers and I walked with some leeches** ****  
**I walked all by myself and I walked with the Moldy Peaches** ****  
**I walked all over the world so I could sing my songs to you** ****  
**And to your most desperate emails I said, “This is what I do.”** ****  
  


I don’t remember much after that night, but I know that I went to every place I loved. I spent a few months just… wandering. My family wasn’t happy with me, obviously. But at least my friends were relieved to see me.

****  
**I Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
****  
**But at some point I got so comfortable** ****  
**That I didn’t even realize that I’d started to crawl** **  
** **That my old friend Logan died at 37 of a heart attack**

**  
** I was at home with Virgil when I got the call from his sister. I was a week away from being clean for a year. It was 2 in the morning, and we were watching Disney movies.

**  
** _ “Rebecca? You never call me this early, what’s up?” _

**  
** _ “Patton… Logan had… He… He’s gone.” _

**  
** He had moved back in with his sister when his mental health took a turn for the worst. He began having memory problems, emotional issues, and all that combined with his autism made it hard for him to live.

****  
**And I cracked cause people my age are not supposed to die like that** **  
** **No no no no people my age are not supposed to die like that**

**  
** Virgil held me that night. We didn’t get any sleep. And I had the first drink I’d had in almost a year. They didn’t stop me.

****  
**He was the old manager of the sidewalk café** **  
** **That place was a second home to me, it’s where I learned to play**

**  
** _ I smiled at Logan as he set my cup of hot chocolate down. I strummed the ukulele, humming and leaning against the wall. _

****  
**And his personality really helped create a space** **  
** **Where a bunch of honest misfits could all gather and feel safe**

**  
** It was the main meet-up spot for me, Roman, Virgil, Remy, Ethan, and sometimes others. I giggled a bit, thinking of all the times we would stay for hours after closing, just talking and laughing.

****  
**He was a cynic, a supporter, he was crazy, he was queer** ****  
**He’d either yell out, “Cut the bullshit” or he’d say, “I’m glad you’re here.”** ****  
**And it was always such an honour to have Logan on my side** ****  
**That’s why it hit me like a Mack truck when I found out that he died** ****  
**Yeah, it hit me like a Mack trucks when I found that he died** ****  
**Then enter Roman, 33 years old and so sick with the cancer** **  
** **And trapped inside a body that betrayed his real gender**

**  
** Roman had to move in with Logan and Rebecca soon after Logan left. His body was beginning to shut down, and it was clear that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. He left Remy and Ethan, and hid it from everyone except Logan and Rebecca.

  
_ “Roman, what… what happened to you…?” _

_  
_ _ He looked at the ground, the last few wisps of red hair peeking from underneath the beanie he was wearing. _

_  
_ _ “... It’s cancer, Pat.” _

  


**We all hoped and prayed that he would go into remission** **  
** **At least long enough, just long enough to complete his transition**

  
The money he had saved for his surgery had to go towards his treatments.

****  
**He said, “Patton, did you know Eleventeen’s my favourite song?”** ****  
**I said, “Then get your ass on stage right now and you can sing along.”** ****  
**That’s the very first song I ever wrote all by myself** **  
** **It’s about angels and recovery and friends and hope and health**

**  
** _ “Pat, I really don’t wanna go up there-” _

  


_ “C’mon, it’ll be fun! Please?” _

**  
** _ “... Okay, sure.” _

****  
**By the time we finished singing he was pissed off, he was scared** ****  
**He said, “I lost my home, my lovers, my insurance, and my hair.** ****  
**And now I’m about to lose you too, my new friend.”** ****  
**I looked into those big blue eyes and said we’ll meet again** **  
** **Yeah I looked into his sad blue eyes and said we’ll meet again**

**  
** He always did look strange without his red contacts. Red always fit him so well.

****  
**Then I got the phone call from Rebecca and she told me he was dying** **  
** **By the time I got to his bedside we were both already flying**

**  
** I got the call at 2 in the morning again. Me and Virgil call that the “cursed hour.” I hate 2 in the morning.

**  
** I broke every speeding law there was to get to the hospital in less than 5 minutes.

****  
**We held hands and we sang songs, tried to be strong floated around** ****  
**While I cursed the skin that he was in for all the ways it had let him down** **  
** **Yeah I cursed the skin that he was in for all the ways it had let him down**

**  
** _ “I love you, guys. I’ll miss you.” _

****  
**But at the same time I was taking my own body for granted** **  
** **First I lost sight of my feet then they became unplanted**

**  
** I gave up on being healthy in any way. I got fatter, and Virgil got skinnier. They had so many more bouts of CVS at that point. It was scary.

****  
**And I never felt so stupid or so selfish or so sad yeah** ****  
**I body had been good to me and I treated it so bad yeah** **  
** **My body had been good to me and I treated it so bad**

**  
** It took a few years to get back to slightly normal.

****  
**Then he said, “Becca, I don’t want my friends to watch me die.”** **  
** **So I kissed his cheek, made him a shirt, and then I said goodbye**

**  
** _ “Goodbye, Roman.” _

**  
** _ “I’ll see you on the other side, Princey.” _

****  
**And they cremated him in the shirt that I drew** ****  
**Of the two of us that said they’re flying over you too** ****  
**Now the silver pink ponies have my homie in their crew** **  
** **So I tightened up my laces and knew what I had to do**

****  
It still hurts sometimes. But it’s gotten better. Remy and Ethan are married now. Virgil found a girlfriend. I’ve started playing my ukulele again. ****  
****  
**I started walking again, I started walking again** ****  
**I miss my friends** ****  
**I started walking again, I started walking again** ****  
**I miss my friends** ****  
****  
**Walk like thunder** ****  
**Walk like thunder** **  
** **Walk like thunder**


End file.
